


days, they've been better

by hollow_city



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Back to Earth, Canon Gay Character, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Reunions, Season/Series 07 Spoilers, can you believe??, that's ok i knew it wouldn't be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 10:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15386376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollow_city/pseuds/hollow_city
Summary: adam and shiro apart, and then together again.[or: even billions of lightyears apart, they never stop thinking about each other.]





	days, they've been better

**Author's Note:**

> i've known about adam for less than forty-eight hours and i would already die for him. i am 100% prepared for this to be entirely jossed the second season seven comes out, but i'm okay with that. this is partially me expressing my already immense love for this whole concept and partially me distracting myself from the endless stream of disappointment dc decided to grace us with.  
> title's from don't try by gerard way.

Adam doesn't regret what he decided to do. 

He knew he wouldn't be able to handle Takashi going into space because he was well aware of how he might come back. They only had so much time together and he was not willing to let most of it waste away.

Of course, he knew how important the Kerberos mission was, but that didn't make him feel any better. The odds of something going wrong were too high, and he didn't think even he could deal with that kind of stress.

Besides, it's too late to change anything now. Adam did what he did and then Takashi took off into space. He didn't attend the launch, mostly because he just couldn't bring himself to. He stayed behind in his office and listened to the faint sounds of the other officers watching on TV. 

He doesn't consider making any changes until a few weeks later. He's sitting in his office, the door closed and the curtains drawn as he grades papers. His heart isn't into it like it used to be, but he pretends it is, because what else is he supposed to do? A piercing headache pounds at the inside of his skull and the fluorescent lights above make his eye twitch, but he ignores it. 

Finally, after scribbling out a note he's writing to a cadet for the third time, he drops his pen and leans back in his chair. He pulls his glasses off and rubs the bridge of his nose, a deep sigh shaking his entire body. It takes him a moment to put them back on, and after the quick second it takes for his eyes to adjust, his gaze lands on the wilting cactus sitting on the corner of his desk. And from there, his eyes stray to the picture propped up beside it. And then to the sweatshirt lying in a ball on the chair in the corner, the black one that he'd stolen from Takashi on one of his days off. Then to the old picture of Takashi as a cadet hanging on the wall, right beside one of the two of them during their second year. 

Adam's headache increases tenfold and he knows he should take it all down and get rid of it all. He knows having it up is only going to be an insult to injury, it'll just be salt rubbed in the wound. 

But he doesn't want to take it down. He wants to pretend for a little while longer that Takashi is still on the same planet, and that they're still going to get married, and that they're going to be happy. 

A soft knock on the door of his office breaks him out of his reverie and he nearly tips backward in his chair. He clears his throat and climbs to his feet, pressing his hand against the side of his head when it swims painfully. 

"Yes," he says, opening the door just enough to peer through. Lieutenant West stands outside the door, her hands clasped behind her back and her eyes a faint red. "What is it?"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, her mouth opening slightly before closing again. She clears her throat and drops all formality. Her shoulders slump and her hands fall to her sides, and Adam is immediately concerned. 

"The mission," she starts in a tight voice, before stopping abruptly. She glances to the side before training her gaze on him once more. "The Kerberos mission failed. The crew has been declared killed in action."

For a good thirty seconds, all Adam can do is stare. All he can do is stare into her deep brown eyes and stand there. He finally manages to snap out of it when West reaches forward and places her hand on his shoulder. 

"I didn't want you to have to find out by the news like the rest of us did," she tells him, and she sounds slightly bitter, but Adam isn't paying attention to that. "I'll leave you alone, now. Let me know if need anything at all."

When he doesn't say anything, she tightens her grip.

"Adam."

He blinks. "Thank you."

She looks concerned, but Adam just steps back and closes the door quietly. For a long time, he remains there, his hand on the doorknob and his eyes unblinking. Finally, he lowers his hand, before reaching back up to flick the lights off. 

His headache feels distant, like the rest of the world. Adam doesn't make a sound as he sits down right there in the middle of the floor. West's words sink in slowly, and when he's fully comprehended what's going on, he cracks. 

A single tear trails down his face, and he can't stop the others that follow.

Takashi is dead, billions of miles away from home. He flew away and he died, and Adam can't do anything about it. 

And the last thing he told him was that  _he wouldn't be there for him_. 

And he didn't even say goodbye. 

 

\- -

 

Shiro hasn't slept in a long time. He doesn't know how many days it's been, because time isn't something he can keep track of anymore. They work him for long and hard hours, but they don't have clocks or anything of the sort anywhere. It seems the Galra themselves never sleep, but that could just be what they want him to think. 

Nearly every day since they took the Kerberos crew prisoner, they've had Shiro in the ring. 

Ever since that day that he attacked Matt, they've had him in there. The guilt still burns hot in his stomach, the look of betrayal on Matt's face still imprinted on the backs of his eyelids every time he closes his eyes. But he couldn't let them tear Matt apart, so he sacrificed himself. 

He really thought he would die in there, but so far, he's managed to keep himself alive. At this point, though, he's not sure it's entirely worth it.

Aches of all kinds spring up all over his body, in his stomach from not eating for days on end, in his legs for trying to hold him up for so long without rest, in his arm, where it's always been the worst. He doesn't know a world without pain anymore.

And now Shiro's lying alone in a cell shrouded in darkness and completely silent. He thinks this must be some sort of punishment, too, because he can't see a single thing, and the only sound he can hear is his own ragged breathing. The only thing he can feel is the cold, harsh metal against his bruised skin. It's too much and not enough at the same time, but he can't do anything about it, because his hands are bound uncomfortably behind his back and the doors are locked tight. 

All he can do is sit and ruminate in the heavy shame and guilt left behind after his most recent fight. This fight wasn't like the others at all. The others were all against some grotesque creature that seemed to want nothing but his blood. He was always given a weapon of some kind, whether it be some kind of advanced tech or something as simple as a sword, and he would have to fight to the death. It never felt like he was taking a life, because he was never sure if those things were really  _alive._ They seemed to exist for the sole purpose of killing.

But this time, they decided to switch things up. They must have gotten bored of the usual show, because this time, they put Shiro against another prisoner. A prisoner much leaner and much weaker. 

The second Shiro entered the ring, he knew something was off, and his stomach dropped to his knees when he saw some guards hauling a prisoner out of the other end. They were yelling and begging desperately to be brought back to the labor camp, and that in itself made Shiro feel sick. 

Regardless, they were both given weapons, and Shiro moved forward as the other prisoner stood still, seemingly frozen in place. Their hand shook around the sword they were given, and when they snapped out of their terrified stupor, they tried their damndest to run from him.

Shiro managed to corner the other prisoner, and through gritted teeth, begged. 

"Fight me," he pleaded. "You have to!"

The horrified look on the alien's face dug into Shiro's heart.

"I can't!" they cried, pressing themself further into the wall. Shiro swung his own sword, purposefully missing and hitting the metal wall. The alien gasped and clenched their fists. 

"You  _have_ to," he stressed, putting every fiber of his being into erasing the emotion from his face. 

The alien trembled for another moment, before launching themself at Shiro. The fight began in earnest, but Shiro could immediately tell that the other prisoner was not suited for battle. Maybe it was the skill and muscle he'd gained from fighting everyday that gave him the advantage, but it didn't matter. 

The battle came to another halt with the prisoner on one knee in front of Shiro, nursing a shallow cut to their ribs. The crowd around them was cheering louder than they had in days, some even laughing and shouting in their enthusiasm. 

"Please don't kill me," the alien begged, their voice hoarse and their whole body shaking. "I-I can't, just, please!" 

Shiro stood frozen, his sword raised in the air. He couldn't do it. He couldn't possibly. This wasn't like all of the other times, when he was truly fighting for his life against killing machines. He couldn't do this. 

The crowd roared in anticipation. 

If he didn't, then he would die. He would never get out of there. 

"I'm so sorry," he choked.

And he brought his sword down.

Now, he sits alone, his hands trembling before him, covered in the blood of a fellow prisoner. He wants to throw up, he wants to scrub himself clean, he wants to scream, but he doesn't do any of those things. 

His hopes of getting out alive, of getting back to Earth, of getting back to  _Adam_ , are dim. 

Because he doesn't deserve any of those things.

No monster like him would. 

 

\- -

 

Months after the mission failure, Adam has fallen apart. He goes about his day, teaches his classes, and returns to his apartment to sleep. He doesn't always, sometimes he just lies there, staring at the ceiling. 

One night, though, the silence becomes too loud, and he can hardly stand to lie there anymore. Not in a room filled to the brim with memories that mean nothing. 

Pictures of he and Takashi litter the walls. Gifts they had given each other lie on dressers and on shelves. Trophies belonging mostly to Shiro fill open surfaces. Clothes Adam had stolen and never given back, not that Takashi had ever minded before. 

It all reminds him of Takashi, and it hurts. Deep in his chest, heavy and cold. He can't look at any of it anymore, and after months of looking at it, he finally makes a change. He rolls out of bed, slapping around his bedside table for his glasses. The room comes into focus and he grabs a shirt from the floor to pull on. A quick trip to the kitchen and back has him with a box big enough for all of it. 

He wanders the room, taking down picture after picture, removing trophy after trophy. He places them in the box on his bed, each one digging deeper into his heart. Every one of them hurts, because it just reminds him. It's why he can't see them anymore. 

When the room is near barren and bereft of anything to remind him of Takashi, he travels into the living room, where it's only more obvious. Some of Takashi's things are still lying around, because he hadn't had the chance to remove them before leaving. Adam is silent as he places books and knick-knacks in the box. He pulls more pictures off of walls and removes more accolades. He reaches the medal resting in a small box, and his breath hitches. 

Adam had been the one to accept that one because it was not one Shiro could plausibly receive. It was a medal honoring those lost in action, after all. 

He leaves that one. 

He sits on the couch, feeling terribly out of place and uncomfortable in his own skin for several minutes before he finally musters the courage to close the box and stow it away deep in his closet. 

It isn't until he lies back down that he realizes whose shirt he's wearing. 

And that's when he starts to cry again. 

 

\- -

 

Shiro can't look at his own reflection.

Well, he could, but he can't possibly bring himself to. He knows what he'll find. The face of a true monster. Before, it had all been inside, but now, he's got the gruesome face to match. 

He had slipped up in the arena and managed to obtain a violent slash straight across the bridge of his nose. He had won the fight soon after, but it didn't mean anything. The guards had grabbed him and thrown him back in his cell, leaving him to bleed all over himself and berate himself.

The blood in his mouth is sharp and metallic and he can taste it even when he tries to stop the flow with his shirt. It doesn't stop, and in the end, all he has to show for his efforts are a soaked shirt and bloodsoaked hands. 

He doesn't mean to, but when the door suddenly jerks open, Shiro looks into the shiny, reflective metal of the cell wall. He gets a good look at himself, at the blood dripping down his cheeks and mouth, at the look of pure horror in his own eyes. 

A guard at least two feet taller than him hauls him to his feet, regarding him coldly for a moment before dragging him down the hall. Shiro doesn't speak a word, he's learned not to open his mouth at this point. 

He doesn't realize what he's being punished for until they get him strapped to the table.

The pain in his arm had distracted him from fighting at peak form. It was what had gotten him the gash across his face. 

And they were going to punish him for that. 

He can hear as they tell him they are actually rewarding him, but Shiro knows better. Nothing they have ever done for him was for his benefit. He hears them tell him how much better he will, how much of formidable foe he will become. 

He hears them tell him he should be grateful as they cut into his arm. 

They take his arm away that day. 

 

\- -

 

Adam is there when Keith is expelled. He watches as Keith punches Commander Iverson directly in the nose and breaks it on the first try. 

He's the one who pulls Keith off of Iverson and holds him back while West is the one to help Iverson to his feet. He's the one who takes Keith away to his office while the higher-ups decide what to do with him. 

"What were you  _thinking_?" Adam bursts the moment his office door is shut. Keith glares up at him from his spot in the corner, his arms crossed. "Were you even thinking at all?"

The boy doesn't say a word in response, but drops his gaze to his feet. 

"Keith, this is serious," Adam tells him, pulling his glasses off and rubbing a hand across his face. "The odds that you get to stay here after what you just did are incredibly low."

Keith finally looks up, his face red with anger and his mouth twisted. "You heard what he was saying!" 

Yes, Adam had heard what Iverson was saying. He hadn't liked it, either, and he could barely take listening to it, but he wasn't going to punch anybody. He takes a deep breath and sits on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms across his chest. 

"I did," he replies after a moment. "It was incredibly cruel of him to say that to you, but anybody who would side with you is below him. Even my word can't go against his, Keith."

The boy's arms drop to his sides and he steps forward so he's directly in front of Adam.

"You can't seriously believe what they're saying, Adam," he says, almost pleading. "Shiro isn't gone, you have to know that!" 

Adam's stomach drops and he has to look away from the wide indigo eyes in front of him. Keith has already tried this once, and it hadn't had any effect the first time. Adam had brushed him off and tried to let him down gently. 

"The Garrison has no reason to lie to us about that," Adam replies, his voice rougher than it had been before. "You know better than anyone that I would give anything to bring Takashi back, but I can't. I've accepted it, Keith. It's time you tried."

He tries to be gentle, but there's no gentle way to convince a boy his brother is dead. 

The angry tears gathering in Keith's eyes are enough to make Adam's throat tighten. 

Two hours later, he's also the one who helps Keith pack his things when he's been expelled. 

 

\- -

 

Shiro doesn't tell the others about Adam. It's not like he wants to hide anything, he just doesn't think he could talk about it. It still hurts to think about the way Adam looked at him right before he walked away for the last time. 

He isn't hiding it, but when the princess introduces them to the mind meld, he does feel a bit nervous. He's not sure what would show up. It could be a myriad of things. 

It isn't until they're sitting in a circle on the ground with the bands around their heads that he really starts to remember. 

He remembers the way they met and the awful way Shiro had embarrassed himself. He remembers when they finally got their act together and got together. He remembers when he had met Keith, and immediately told Adam everything about him.

All around him, pictures of family float up, and Shiro can't help but watch as a picture of Pidge and Matt flickers into existence. Before it can materialize completely, Pidge leaps to her feet, throwing the band on the ground and running from the room.

Shiro watches her go as his own image of Keith, Adam, and him fades. 

 

\- -

 

Somehow, Adam is the last to hear. 

He's grading essays in the teacher's lounge, the end of his pen between his teeth and his glasses hanging from his empty hand. He's disappointed, like he usually is with this particular class, but he doesn't have the time to get through any more than three essays before someone bursts into the room, eyes wild and chest heaving. 

"Adam!" they cry. It's West again because apparently, she's the one who's destined to break the world-changing news to him every time. 

"What, what happened," he immediately spits out, standing from his chair and shoving his glasses haphazardly onto his face. 

She ducks back into the hall, gesturing for him to follow. "Come and see!"

Adam's eyes narrow in his suspicion but he follows her anyway. The closer they get to the common room, the more he can see and hear the commotion. People are gathered around one spot, shock and disbelief spreading through the crowd. He can't see who they're talking to, but West doesn't let him stop and wait at the edge of the room, she grabs him by the arm and yanks him through to the front. He awkwardly apologizes to anybody they bump into, but when they reach the front, any words die on the tip of his tongue.

Because the man everybody is fussing over is  _Sam Holt._ The man who was supposed to have died on the very same mission that took Takashi away from him.

"Adam," Sam says, and he looks a mix between shocked and very, very relieved. He reaches forward, brushing off all of the people bombarding him with questions and dragging Adam into a bone-crushing hug. "It's so good to see you!"

Adam remains frozen for a second, struck with disbelief. If Sam is alive, then... He pushes the thought away and returns the hug, trying to manage his expectations. 

When Sam pulls back and holds him by the shoulders at arms' length, all Adam can choke out is, "Shiro...?"

Sam's face lights up with a smile, and for the second time, Adam's world flips upside down. 

 

\- -

 

Shiro is afraid to go home. He doesn't say that to anybody, because he doesn't want them to think that after all this time he would want anything else. It's not that he doesn't want to go home, he's just afraid of what he'll find when he gets there. 

They're closing in on Earth, though, so he'll just have to get over his fear. 

The Garrison clears them for landing, and Shiro stands behind Keith as they land together. 

"Are you ready?" Keith asks.

Shiro takes a deep breath. "I guess."

Keith stands, casting him a dry look. "Such encouraging words from our fearless leader."

With a snort and a gentle shove, he replies, "whatever, brat."

He can't help the smile that grows on his face as he watches Keith leave the lion, but his heart is still racing. 

His steps are careful and slow as he follows Keith and heads towards the group. 

Shiro doesn't get very far, though.

"Takashi?"

His entire body freezes in place. His ears begin to ring, and he can't bring himself to look up. It could be a dream. It could be a hallucination. He's had both of those before. It might not be real. 

"Oh my god."

He's forced to look up when hands come up to hold both sides of his face. The person tilts his head up until they're eye-to-eye, and Shiro almost bursts into tears. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of relief. Tears of grief. 

"You're... you're really here," Adam whispers, and Shiro can hardly believe it either. 

He nods quickly, leaning into his hands. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here."

Adam's thumbs trail over his cheeks, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape despite Shiro's best efforts. He takes another moment to simply gaze up at him, before dropping his hands and pulling Shiro into the tightest embrace he can muster. 

Shiro stands in shock for a second before wrapping his arms around the man in front of him. He holds him so tight he nearly lifts Adam right off the ground, but neither of them mind. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, his voice breaking almost as soon as he starts talking. "I'm so, so sorry."

Adam sniffles and shakes his head against Shiro's shoulder.

"It's okay," he says, his own voice thick with tears. "Everything's okay."

And for the first time, after ages of suffering, it finally, truly is  _okay._  

 

**Author's Note:**

> it's 4:30 in the morning and i didn't mean for that to happen but i'm gonna use that as my excuse for any mistakes i missed. also, over 100 works in this tag in two days?? i am HERE for this


End file.
